sbdcsierra Chapter 438 Inner Desire
Chapter 438 Inner Desire
Lu Jingchen sat alone in the dim room, surrounded by the pungent smell of alcohol and tobacco. His eyes were empty and confused, as if he had lost all perception of the world. However, in a corner deep in his heart, there was a faint desire flickering tenaciously, like a candlelight in the darkness, which could be extinguished at any time but never really went out.
He leaned quietly on the worn-out sofa, his thoughts involuntarily drifting back to the little moments he had spent with Jiang Ciyou. Those beautiful memories were like old movies, constantly playing in his mind. He recalled the scene when he first met Jiang Ciyou. It was in a bar, the lights were dim and ambiguous. Jiang Ciyou was wearing a red dress, like a rose blooming in the dark night, beautiful and full of temptation. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes, which was the pain after being betrayed on the wedding night, but this trace of sadness did not cover up her radiance, but made her more charming. The first time Lu Jingchen saw her, he was deeply attracted, as if there was an invisible force locking his eyes tightly.
From then on, they began a period of passion and romance. They walked together on the beach by the sea, the sea breeze gently brushing their bodies, bringing a hint of coolness. Jiang Ciyou's long hair fluttered in the wind, and her smile was particularly bright under the sunshine. Lu Jingchen remembered that he held her hand tightly at that time, as if he was afraid that she would disappear if he let go. They left a series of footprints on the beach, and those footprints were like the mark of their love, witnessing their former happiness.
Another time, they had dinner together in a high-end restaurant. The restaurant was filled with melodious music, and everything around seemed so elegant and luxurious. Jiang Ciyou sat opposite him, with a gentle light in her eyes. She tasted the food gently, and every movement was full of elegance. Lu Jingchen looked at her, his heart full of love. He felt that he was the luckiest man in the world to be able to spend time with such a beautiful and charming woman. That night, they confided in each other, sharing their dreams and past experiences. At that moment, Lu Jingchen felt that their souls had been tightly intertwined and could never be separated.
However, now all this is gone. Jiang Ciyou returned to her husband, leaving Lu Jingchen alone in this endless pain. He knew that from a realistic point of view, the possibility of Jiang Ciyou coming back was very small. Her husband came back to find her, and she chose to return to the man who had betrayed her. This seemed to be an unchangeable fact. But deep in his heart, Lu Jingchen still stubbornly held on to a glimmer of hope.
He said to himself silently in his heart: "Maybe, maybe she has her own difficulties. Maybe she is just confused by past feelings, or deceived by her husband's sweet words. Sooner or later, she will find that the person she really loves is me, not the man who hurt her." This thought kept circling in his mind, like an unstoppable vortex. He tried to grasp any sign that might prove this idea, even if it was just a trace of fantasy.
In the dead of night, he would stare at the screen of his mobile phone, expecting a call or text message from Jiang Ciyou. Even if it was just a simple greeting, he felt that it would be a ray of light in his dark world. He often imagined that Jiang Ciyou suddenly appeared at his doorstep, with regret and love in his eyes, and said to him: "I'm sorry, Jingchen, I was wrong. I found that the person I loved has always been you, I'm back." Whenever he thought of this scene, he would feel an irrepressible excitement in his heart.
Lu Jingchen also knew that this hope might just be a self-consolation, but he couldn't control his heart. He felt like a drowning man, and this glimmer of hope was his only life-saving straw. He couldn't give up, even if it was just an illusory hope. His heart was constantly struggling between pain and desire. This struggle made him more painful, but at the same time it also allowed him to retain a glimmer of expectation for life in the abyss of despair.
He began to recall every detail of their time together, trying to find some evidence that Jiang Ciyou also loved him deeply. He remembered that once, Jiang Ciyou was sick and lying in bed, pale and weak. He took care of her carefully by the bed, made porridge for her, and fed her medicine. At that time, Jiang Ciyou looked at him with gratitude and dependence in her eyes. She gently held his hand and said, "Jingchen, I don't know what to do without you." At that time, Lu Jingchen felt that he must have a very important position in Jiang Ciyou's heart.
Another time, they went hiking together. During the hike, Jiang Ciyou accidentally sprained her foot. Lu Jingchen carried her on his back without hesitation and walked down the mountain step by step. Jiang Ciyou was on his back, hugging his neck tightly, and her breath blew gently in his ears. Lu Jingchen felt at the time that this intimate contact was a manifestation of their feelings. He believed that Jiang Ciyou must have felt his love for her at that moment, and also had deep feelings for him.
Lu Jingchen kept wandering in these memories, hoping to draw strength from them to keep going. He knew that he couldn't just give up, he had to wait, waiting for the day when Jiang Ciyou would change his mind. Even if that day might never come, he was willing to guard the faint hope in his heart during this long wait.
His friends all advised him to give up. They said Jiang Ciyou had made a choice and he should not be so stubborn. But Lu Jingchen didn't listen. He felt that his friends could not understand the feelings between him and Jiang Ciyou. The feelings between them were so unique and so deep that they could not be separated by a simple "give up". He believed that Jiang Ciyou also had feelings for him, but now they were disturbed by some external factors.
Lu Jingchen's heart is like a besieged castle. Outside is the cruel reality and the persuasion of his friends, while inside the castle is his deep desire for Jiang Ciyou and a faint hope. He holds on to this castle and is unwilling to succumb to the pressure from the outside world. He knows that once he gives up this glimmer of hope, his world will completely collapse, and he will fall into a deeper darkness and will never be able to find a way out.
He began to look around the room for something related to Jiang Ciyou, even if it was just a small souvenir. He found a photo of them together in the drawer. In the photo, they were smiling and looked so happy. Lu Jingchen held the photo tightly, as if he wanted to grasp the happiness he once had through it. His tears flowed unconsciously and dripped onto the photo. He whispered to the photo: "Ciyou, do you know I'm waiting for you? When can you come back?"
On this lonely night, Lu Jingchen's heart was full of contradictions and struggles. On the one hand, he knew that he should face reality and accept the fact that Jiang Ciyou left; on the other hand, he could not suppress his inner desire and hoped that Jiang Ciyou could come back to him. This contradictory psychology made his body and mind extremely exhausted, but he could not stop his thoughts. He was like a traveler lost in a dark forest. Although he knew that there might be no way out ahead, he still stubbornly moved in one direction, just because there was a voice in his heart that kept telling him: Jiang Ciyou might be waiting for him ahead.
He began to imagine what their lives would be like if Jiang Ciyou really came back. Would they start over? Would they cherish each other more? He thought, they would. He would take Jiang Ciyou away from this city full of painful memories, to a place where no one knew them, and start their lives over again. They would build a small family of their own there, cooking together, taking walks together, and watching the sunrise and sunset together every day. They would put all the pain and unhappiness of the past behind them and focus only on each other's happiness.
Lu Jingchen's inner desire became stronger and stronger. He felt as if he had seen that beautiful future. Although he knew that this might just be an unattainable dream, he was still willing to give everything for it. He silently swore in his heart that as long as Jiang Ciyou could come back, he would be willing to forgive her for everything, and he would love her with all his heart and soul so that she would never be hurt again.
However, as time went by, Lu Jingchen gradually realized that this desire might just be a form of self-torture. Jiang Ciyou was away for longer and longer periods of time, and she did not give him any sign of coming back. He began to doubt whether his persistence still made sense, and whether he was just wasting his life in a fruitless fantasy. But every time this doubt arose, the glimmer of hope in his heart would surge again and suppress it.
He felt like a traveler looking for water in the desert. Although he was surrounded by endless yellow sand and could not see any signs of water, he still kept moving forward with the faith in his heart. He believed that one day, he would find the oasis that belonged to him and Jiang Ciyou, where their love would bloom again.
In this long and painful night, Lu Jingchen's inner desire is like the twinkling stars in the night sky, weak but always there. He holds on to this glimmer of hope in the darkness, waiting for the arrival of dawn, waiting for the possible return of Jiang Ciyou.
The author says:
Dear readers, in this chapter, we see Lu Jingchen's inner struggle and his persistent desire for love. Love is sometimes like this. Even in the face of huge setbacks and seemingly impossible difficulties, the love in people's hearts is still indelible. Lu Jingchen's state may make many readers feel distressed. He is like a loner who sticks alone in the dark, enduring endless pain for that ray of possible love. This also reflects the helplessness and persistence of many people in real life in the face of love. I hope that through the creation of this character, everyone can feel the complexity and tenacity of love more deeply, and at the same time trigger everyone's thinking about love and life choices. Have you had similar experiences in your life? Everyone is welcome to share your stories.