sbdcsierra Chapter 3 Shen Qingxi
Chapter 3 Shen Qingxi
My name is Shen Qingxi. I am the third child in my family. My father is the Minister of the Imperial Secretariat, and my mother comes from the prestigious Luochuan Li family.
My elder brother and elder sister were born to my first wife. Not to mention outsiders, even I don't understand why my mother would marry a widower with two children as her second wife. If Shen were still in Yunyang, the two families would be considered a decent match, but that was based on the fact that my father had never been married.
Fifteen years ago, affected by the war, the Shen family moved north as a whole. How could the Li family, who were native to the area, look down on the outsiders with shallow roots?
It is said that my father and mother met by chance at Anguo Temple. Their meeting was like a golden breeze and jade dew, surpassing countless encounters in the mortal world.
The fact that I was born prematurely added an unspeakable element to this marriage.
When I was a child, I asked my mother about this, and she said that love can always make people rush towards it like moths to a flame.
Because I was born prematurely and was physically weak, my mother's health was also damaged, and she could no longer conceive. Therefore, she treated me like a precious jewel and never let me suffer any grievances.
My older brother and sister have no conflict of interest with me whatsoever. We are close in age, grew up together, and have a very good relationship.
I was supposed to live a smooth and successful life, marry a nobleman, and raise my children. However, I met a man who made me rush headlong into the fire like a moth to a flame—Jiang Se.
I first met him when I was ten years old, when I accompanied my mother to the Plum Blossom Gathering hosted by Marquis Wu'an.
Inside the garden, a small fire was burning, and the banquet was in full swing. I was impatient with the social interactions among the noble ladies, so I slipped out for a stroll. In one of the courtyards, I saw a thinly dressed boy kneeling upright in the snow.
“A lowly bastard is a lowly bastard. His mother is promiscuous, and his sister is no better. She shamelessly sneaks into the hunting grounds to sleep with the king.”
"Don't think that Jiang Qin has suddenly become a phoenix rising from the ashes. She's nothing but a trifle."
……
From the laughter and conversation of the servants, it was learned that he was the illegitimate son of the Marquis of Wu'an, and his mother was a courtesan who was not favored by his mistress and died without any official status.
Most of the passersby mocked and scorned him. I felt so sorry for him. The snow was still falling, and I happened to have an umbrella in my hand.
I wondered if giving him this umbrella would worsen his situation. While I hesitated, he already had an umbrella over his head—Princess Le'an.
Later, I often thought, if I had known I would love him like this in the future, I should have taken that step earlier. Would Jiang Se have liked me then?
We met again three years later. The Fifth Prince entered the palace to study, and Consort Jiang requested that Jiang Se enter the palace as his study companion. As the Fourth Princess's study companion, I had many more opportunities to meet him.
In the palace school, isolating Jiang Se seems to have become a kind of political correctness. I saw that he worked hard and was outstanding in both literature and martial arts, but he was always not recognized and was suppressed because of his background.
Feeling sorry for a man is the beginning of falling in love; years of excessive attention can lead to deep-rooted feelings without you even realizing it.
When Jiang Se was 17, he was granted the title of Marquis of Caiyi for his meritorious service in suppressing the rebellion and controlling the epidemic. I was happy for him but also felt lost because he was finally qualified to marry Princess Le'an.
Personality determines destiny. The aristocratic class's pride prevented me from openly expressing my care and protection for him like Le'an did. The aristocratic class's etiquette clearly distinguished between legitimate and illegitimate children, and my parents would never agree to my marriage to Jiang Se. In addition, I am reserved, and no one has ever noticed my feelings for him.
Unexpectedly, the seemingly hopeless unrequited love took a turn for the better when an envoy from the northern desert came to the capital to ask for the princess's hand in marriage.
The fourth princess cried her heart out, and I gave her an idea: to have a member of the imperial family marry in her place, and the most suitable candidate would be Princess Le'an.
Nothing can withstand the influence of a pillow talk; the king, deeply devoted to his daughter, indeed bestowed upon Le'an the title of princess and sent her north for a political marriage.
Jealousy can change a person beyond recognition. I've only ever done this one bad thing in my life, and soon, the retribution came.
During the Mulan hunt, the king was assassinated, and I injured my eye in the chaos. However, the imperial physician said that as long as I apply medicine on time and rest well, I will recover.
During my recuperation, Jiang Se came to propose marriage, and as expected, my father refused. So I secretly untied the eye drops...
No powerful family would welcome a blind woman as their matriarch. I married Jiang Se as I wished. With the help of the Shen and Li families, Jiang Se gained a foothold in the court and supported the Fifth Prince in the struggle for the throne.
It might be a weakness I had from birth. I've been married for ten years, praying to gods and Buddhas and trying all sorts of remedies, but I still haven't been able to conceive.
Later, the Fifth Prince ascended the throne, and Jiang Se held a high position of power, while I became increasingly frail and sickly. On my deathbed, I asked Jiang Se if she had ever loved anyone.
Never.
The answer was as expected, but why did you marry me?
"Before Le'an left the capital, she told me that it was you who offered the advice to the princess."
There really are no secrets that stay hidden forever.
So, you already knew.
So, you hate me.
……
After closing my eyes, I saw this world again after a long time, and I saw the incomparably handsome Jiang Se... and my own remains.
I watched as Jiang Se stood silently by the bed for a long time, then bent down and moved my body to the inside, covering me with the blanket. She gently lay down beside me, letting out a barely audible sigh. Her eyes were as dark as ink, and I couldn't see the emotions contained within them.
Is he sad for me? That's good, at least he didn't laugh out loud.
Where do people go after they die? I didn't see the legendary Black and White Impermanence, nor did I turn to ashes; I was simply trapped within three zhang of the grave.
The tombstone is inscribed with ten characters: "Tomb of Jiang Shenshi Qingxi, erected by Jiang Se".
Can't they even add a "beloved wife" at the top of their head, just for show?
Aside from the day of the burial, Jiang Se never came again. On that day, he said at the grave, "Actually, during that hunt, I took advantage of the chaos to injure you."
The fact that they didn't tell me while they were still alive was probably their last act of pity for me.
As the sun and moon turned and there were no other ghosts nearby, Song Yuan arrived, leaving him utterly bored.
The Shen and Song families are old friends, so they probably came to pay their respects to me. But when I saw him open an umbrella in broad daylight, I was filled with mixed feelings.
Legend has it that there was a couple in love. The woman died young, and the man built a hut in front of her grave and never married. He would often hold an umbrella in front of her tombstone to shield her from the sun on sunny days and from the rain on rainy days. Eventually, this moved the God of Marriage, who granted them a happy marriage in the next life. This is the origin of the story of placing an umbrella in front of a grave in hopes of a better next life.
Song Yuan and I can be said to have been childhood sweethearts. However, I didn't understand his feelings when I was young. When I started to fall in love, there was only Jiang Se in my heart, and I could not accept anyone else.
On the anniversary of his death the following year, he arrived as scheduled.
The third year...
fourth year……
He didn't come back in the eighth year. Maybe he finally let go. In any case, I hope he's doing well.
Later, amidst the chaos of war and the passage of more and more refugees, I learned that Xuandu had fallen.
Song Yuan, like the legendary romantic, never married. What a fool! I'm a fool too. It turns out that while I'm looking at others, someone is always looking at me.
……
Perhaps the legend is true. I was reborn at the age of 17 when I injured my eyes. This time, I cooperated with the treatment and did not go blind. Naturally, I did not marry Jiang Se again.
It's just a pity I wasn't reborn sooner. Long before I offered advice to the Fourth Princess, I had already committed this sin.
I don't hate Jiang Se. I ruined his and Le An's lives. But during those ten years, he treated me with courtesy. He just trapped me and punished me for the mistakes I made in love. As an enemy, he treated me fairly well.
Soon after, the Song family came to propose marriage, and I embarked on the path that a noblewoman should have taken: to be a good housewife, a wife and mother.
My feelings for Song Yuan stemmed from gratitude; as the saying goes, familiarity breeds affection, and I must love him.
Because of my past life experiences, I have a premonition of many things. For the sake of my family and innocent people, I participated in many political struggles that I was not interested in in my past life, and joined hands with Song Yuan to bring about change.
But worldly couples cannot escape the inevitable consequences of their initial attraction; he changed his mind after a trip to the Cangyue Kingdom.
General Lingyue, he spoke of this in front of my grave in my past life. At that time, he rejected the female general's love, but remained devoted to me until death.
Why did my life change?
I do not understand.
The fate of Xuan State remained unchanged: its land was shattered, and the Shen clan perished in the war.
When I opened my eyes, I was reborn at the age of 14. Everything was still possible, but I was so tired. A guy called "System" approached me and said that as long as I was willing to give up my body, he would send my soul to a wonderful world where there was no war and women did not need to depend on men. There, I could get the answers I wanted and find redemption. My family could also be saved when the enemy came to our door in the future.
If it's true, then why not agree?
If it's fake, why would I be afraid of dying again?